Now I know

I want to get annoyed when you don’t notice I’ve tried to look pretty for you

I want to fall asleep to films you want me to watch and get annoyed because you left your clothes on the floor again

I want to roll my eyes because you got too drunk and told a story I’ve heard a thousand times

I want to know when it’s time to go by looking in your eyes

I want you to know when my smile means that I love you and I want you to blink slowly to tell me that you love me too

I want to cry and shout and be a dick while you hug all my sadness away

I want to laugh so much that my stomach aches and tears stream down my face

I want to hold your hand walking side by side and forget that we ever didn’t walk this way

I want to grab your face and kiss you because I always want to kiss that face

I want to make music with you and here our voices intertwine

I want to take you for granted

I want to be the luckiest girl in the world

I fell in love with my best friend. It’s laughable to utter. Is the tragedy that I still hold a secret hope? I admitted my feelings in the most appalling and ridiculous way, a passionate way, an angry way; like he betrayed me by never reading my mind, by not giving me what I wanted when I was not brave enough to ask for it. It brings tears back realising how silly I have been. How many nights have I spent sleepless, searching for something in a stranger that I already had in him. That’s why he stayed away, these strangers I searched through to find a piece of him, and he was just there all along. And now the miles between us feel oh to metaphorical, the rain pouring down on this grey and dismal day seems oh so poetic and empathetic. Did Shakespeare write this day, this ironic tragedy, my self-made misery? 

Plot twist

Last night’s conversation stares still 
The harsh light of the grey morning surprises me
I sit in silence
with tears sat impatient behind my eyes
I could have had you
It was there all along
But you didn’t say it and I didn’t’ know
I wanted protecting so my feelings never showed
How didn’t you hear them, screaming out my chest
Why didn’t you move me, claim me, make me see
You said I had the same option but I thought it’d never be
sadness and emotions swallow me
All the air feels stagnant, im breathless and I’m stressed
It was mearly two days ago I wrote that I was vexed
And now you mean to tell me
Your feelings never moved, but that all MY transgressions
Meant you made no move

There’s a love shaped hole in my life
But it’s not like a man who needs his wife
It’s more of a hunger in my soul
You feed me in a way I can’t control
It doesn’t mean I want you in my bed
I just can’t get this feeling out my head
That ever since you touched my inner thigh
And looked with all those feelings in your eyes
There’s something more, a secret we can find
but now I know you’re leaving me behind
For there’s a love shaped hole in my life
And I know you’ll never want me as your wife.
But it doesn’t stop this feeling in my soul
so to you I’ll never relinquish control
And now I’ll never let you in my bed
It’s the only way to keep this from my head
The feeling of your fingers on my thigh
the way you let me feel inside those eyes
Those pleasures that together we would find
They made me think that we were intertwined
But now I find that you are fully sexed
And I’m left standing here just feeling vexed.

His tears will fall in silence

o’er-brimm’d sounds sweet and full

is Autumn a beginning

or will this end it all
a friend, who is your lover

but now you must remove

the blighty thoughts inside you

what do you have to prove

a quiz, a drink, an answer

the Bard, decorum est

The dark and twisty markings

You hide inside your chest

So come and look inside me

But heed what you might find

and though it be a tempest

No alteration find